There is no doubt that there are some good girls who love bad boys. This is an age old question that might not have a real answer. There are lots of psychological reasons good girls like bad boys. There are many interesting parallels between these bad boys and their father issues. There can be no right answer as everyone’s attraction to another person is based on their own experience.
You have to know why you are attracted to someone in order to determine whether they are a good match for you or just a fling. Often the opposites attract version is much more about experiencing a side of yourself you have been afraid to express. This “bad boy” attraction also frees a good girl from making bad choices as all the blame then goes on the guy who talked her into the “bad” things.
Good Girls Going Bad
Many good girls like bad boys because they want to be a little more bad themselves but are not brave enough to do it. The attraction to someone who is willing to let themselves go and be who they really “are” is a huge draw to someone who has always done what is expected. The problem with this is, bad boys are often not bad because it is what they want but rather it is because they want to annoy someone else. Bad boys are often rebelling against rules and parents rather than truly being “themselves.”
Another part that falls into this category is the idea of becoming sexually expressive. Most girls are taught from a young age that it is unacceptable. Because of this, they don’t know how to come to terms with their sexuality so finding a guy who “coaxes” them into a sexual relationship is an easier transition. If gives them a person to blame as well as a partner in crime. It is easier to stand up to your parents as a pair than as a single person.
Father Figure
The father figure often plays a big role. Some people believe good girls being attracted to bad boys are payback for the sins of the father. If the girl has a father that has an underlying “bad boy” ideal or she knows of his childhood, she is drawn to that same type of behavior. Some dads feel this is just a punishment for everything he did as a child. The truth is, girls are often looking for a bit of a father figure.
This can mean looking for someone who is just like their father or someone who is just the opposite. The “bad boy” tends to be appealing to girls who are afraid of turning into their mother. In those circumstances the girl is attracted to the bad boy for fear of becoming involved with someone like their father and then becoming like their mother. In these cases, the attraction usually passes as the woman actually grows up and comes into her own.
The Mystery
Bad boys are often a mystery to girls. While there are rebellious girls, many girls are “people pleasers” at a young age. They want the approval of their parents and their teachers. It is a mystery how a boy can be “bad,” how they don’t care what authority figures think and how they are willing to do as they please. This type of attraction relates to her independence and is an expression of her sexual health. This is sometimes a way for the girl to let go of some of her limiting responsibility and other times it is just a way to have fun.
The relationship becomes the one thing that is not expected of her. Many of these girls continue to get along with their parents and still do well in school. They often have a decent sense of self they just want to have a little more “fun” than what they do on their own. This can still be a huge source of tension between the parents and the child if the situation is not dealt with well. Forbidding a girl to see a boy is very rarely the way to go.
It is difficult to separate a good girl from a bad boy. The more you try to separate them, the more her love for the bad boy grows, until the girl is disappointed, and in some cases even serious injured.
When you see a good girl going for a bad boy you just have to be patient. The relationship will play out how it is going to and forbidding it usually only strengthens the resolve of the girl to do what she is not supposed to. Many of these “bad boys” are not nearly as bad as they appear. Most of teen life is an act. A way to discover who they are and what type of life they want out of the world, so letting them discover this without too much restriction is a way to let them come into their own. There should always be structure and rules, but you have to show a sense of trust, allow them to make mistakes or what you think are mistakes so they feel loved and capable.
